


weary grows mortality

by kwritten



Series: Femslash February 2019 [3]
Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast), The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-24 03:55:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17697182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwritten/pseuds/kwritten
Summary: the adventure zone/friends at the table lucretia/[signet]if i breathe a little deeperwhen will you notice that i really need youif i tell you all my secretswould you listenwould you believe it





	weary grows mortality

**Author's Note:**

  * For [growlery](https://archiveofourown.org/users/growlery/gifts).



There's a casual grace to Signet's intimacy, something in the way that she smiles over the crest of Lucretia's knees, something in her eyes when she gasps in pleasure, that feels... transitory. Something that makes Lucretia feel hungry.   
  
There's a kind of security in removal, in distance. She wasn't joking that night she told Magnus that to be intimate with him would be a "nightmare scenario" - it isn't that she  _couldn't_  take Magnus - or any of them - into her bed. One hundred years in a ship like a family can make bedfellows of anyone. They don't talk about it, and there were never awkward looks over the breakfast table, but there was a distinct line between family and desire and love. It isn't that she  _couldn't_  - it's that for her, those lines never manifested.   
  
She longs for  _everything or nothing_  and as she holds out her hands to this... priestess from the stars, as they call her... those words she laughingly gave Magnus years ago come back to haunt her. Because isn't she now taking nothing for everything? Isn't she now making her bed with some-  ~~one? thing?~~  that gives intimacy the most casual feeling in the world.  
  
"Haven't you ever done anything for  _fun_?" she's ancient, she's a goddess - or the living succubus of a goddess - or the undying presence of the  _idea_  of godhood, it sits on her shoulders like butterfly wings and hangs over Lucretia's head like a dark spell or a cloud or a load that could not be lifted by Atlas himself. She teases when she says the word... as if  _fun_  were the only reason for anything.   
  
She makes Lucretia feel younger than she has in a long time.   
  
She makes Lucretia feel younger than maybe she has ever actually  _been_.  
  
One hundred years of the same trial is nothing in the face of thousands, millions of stars and wars.   
  
Lucretia shrugs towards the general direction of her home, where the portrait she painted when she was young still hangs, and thinks  _maybe that I did for fun, but how can I explain that to you?_  
  
Signet smiles that smile of a thousand stars and a million dreams and she understands and that's the worst part of it all.   
  
She knows her true name, can call it on the wind, can  _feel_  a thousand beings from distances away that Lucretia can barely fathom, and yet... is unknowable.   
  
Everything for nothing.   
  
"What would it be like to  _perceive_  you," Lucretia wonders, tracing the line of her eyebrows when she believes her goddess-priestess-lover-prophet-savior-downfall is asleep. A beetle crawls over her arm and disappears and she shudders.   
  
Long after her breathing settles, Signet whispers back, "If only you could survive seeing, my love."  
  
  
Love isn't fun, it isn't a plaything. Can never be something that Lucretia takes lightly.   
  
But for Signet, she's willing to try.   
  
  
 _It'll be the hardest trial of her long life._  
  
It'll waste her away.   
  
It'll pass as quickly as any memory.  
  
  
((She does it all wrong, becomes far too attached, and when it's time to leave there's a voice in her ear that says she never should have tried. The young make mistakes they can recover from.   
  
The ancient make mistakes to remind themselves there's no such thing as recovery.))


End file.
